So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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