Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
