Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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