life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
