took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
