My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
