I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Small penises have feelings too.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize