can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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