He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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