oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
