Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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