I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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