FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
