is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's shark week go big or go home
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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