I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
