I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
