here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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