Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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