sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
