she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
