I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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