Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
