I wanna passion pit in your ass
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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