i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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