I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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