Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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