Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im holly from the hills drunk
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
