I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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