apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
