I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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