Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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