She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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