Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Acid is not a monday night drug
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
