how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
