I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
