she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
