Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
