either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
