At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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