Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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