ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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