omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
