come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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