My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize