I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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