i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
