she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize