Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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