I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
