I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
