Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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