Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
