Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
