Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
