boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
