Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
