Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize