Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
