Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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