soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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