There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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