did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
