my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
