atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
