did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need help removing her.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
