My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
