So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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