I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
