You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
