last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
