Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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