I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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