Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
